|
|
The Universe
(According to Me)
(Is there any other way?)
Having now turned 17, I can safely say that if my 18 years on this planet have taught me anything other than how to dodge the volleys of an entire gym class, it's that the universe is governed by 4 simple rules. Yes, only 4.
"But Adam, that's too simple!" you say. You should know by now, nothing is too simple for me.
"Alright then wiseguy(snicker), what are these 4 simple rules?" Ask and Ye shall receive. (Who is Ye anyway, and why does he get all the breaks? Anyhow.)
Rule 1: The universe, and reality itself, shall adapt to accomodate Adam's will. Ex. The cat is black (bl). I say it is white (w). Therefore, the cat is white (w).
Rule 2: If Adam's will defies logic, tough. Ex. No, the cat is black (bl). Therefore, no, the cat is white (w).
Rule 3: If adapting to Adam's will is just impossible, then possibility can go bugger off. Ex. The cat can't just change colours because I say so. Therefore, tough, it bloody well can if I say it can.
Rule 4: If Adam contradicts himself, causing unsolvable paradoxes, then the universe will just have to deal with it. Ex. I say the cat is white (w). Later, in a drunken stupor (s), I say the cat is purple(p). Therefore, the cat is white. Therefore the cat is purple.
It may seem that I'm a bit full of myself, and under the false impression that the earth revolves around me. I assure you, this impression is not false, the earth does in fact revolve around me, as the below diagram clearly illustrates.
So, what is to be done about this? Not much really. You're stuck with me if I say you are. And I do. Deal with it.
back
|
