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School!
Well, summer's almost over and school is quickly approaching. Hooray, throw up your arms in merriment and be joyous! Hooray! Yipeee!(False happiness slow gives way, the shouts of joy fade into sobs of depression, and I fall to the ground in a fetal position, whimpering and muttering about lost joy and the end of hope)
While it's not exactly the end of the world, school does represent a loss of freedom and spare time, along with the onslaught of countless hours of skulldrudgery and busy work. But I'm not bitter. "Always look on the bright side of life" Monty Python told me in a rousing song and dance number. The beginning of a school year is a step towards the end of the school year. Yeah right. Don't think of school as a step towards sadness, but as a step away from gladness. It's not the beginning of the end but the end of the beginning.
Teachers feign remorse at being dragged away from their holidays, and being sent back into the classroom, armed only with their yearning to teach, air of authority, and if you get out of line, a few judo moves and a taser up their sleeve able to pacify an elephant for ten minutes, if you zap 'em just right. And their paid for this! I just spent twelve consecutive hours on an essay detailing every aspect of air pollution and the chemical reactions which cause it, and all I get is an 88%, a "well done" from my parents, and a sneer from the girl who unbeknownst to me copied my work word for word and got a blankety 95%! @$%&!
Some would argue that going back to school means seeing their friends more often. Ha! During the summer, I can phone friends, get them over to my house, or chat on-line with them, without being told too shut up (and often zapped relentlessly to the delight of the teacher for well over half an hour, until the damned batteries wear out) in class, bustled along by the torrent of bodies in the halls, or subjected to the aroma of pastrami on rye with extra clumps of scoop away kitty litter wafting off of the twerp next to me in the lunch room/feed house.
So as you cram another 150 sheets of paper into your already bulging Five star notebook, remember, when adults with no better way to pass awkward moments ask you if you're looking forward to school this year, you don't have to lie to them, put on a happy face and tell them, yes, you've had a nice summer but are looking forward to getting back to your studies for another 8 months. Stare them down, look 'em dead in the eyes, and laugh in their faces. Because no one seriously enjoys memorizing theorums, formulae, and staining history reports with tea for an extra five percent if the teacher's in a good mood. And if someone does I'd like to meet them, just to "pacify" 'em, if you know what I mean.
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