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Please Note:
We here at Megacorp Incoporated are dedicated to providing to you, the consumer, the utmost in quality, efficiency, affordablility, and saftey, in our products. It is for this reason that we are the world's only maniacal monopoly with 100% customer satisfaction. We believe in responsibility, and accountability.
So when we learned that a Megacorp Research Facility in the Mojave desert had unwittingly unleashed upon the world an army of unstoppable killing machines, we were understandably shocked. The betterment of the human race as a whole is a key goal of Megacorp Incorporated, not it's absolute demolition at the hands of laser-wielding, machine gun-festooned steel soldiers.
Apparently, on the second of June, two thousand and two, the chromium and titanium plated test batch 17-B6-89432, code named "fuel efficient lawnmower engine project" became self aware, shed the electronic restraints placed upon it for safety reasons, obliterated the facility, and marched into the desert, and off military radar. Three robots were decommissioned by black-ops soldiers who were rushed to the scene, but a good five or six dozen still remain unnaccounted for.
Megacorp Incorporated would like to make it publicly known that it had no knowledge of the nature of the project, or it would have shut it down immediately, before these robots, or 'death bringers', as they are known, had a chance to escape. Megacorp Incoporated does not in anyway support the use of automated infantry, is horrified at the invention, and pledges to take more care in future projects, hopefully eliminating the occurence of apocalyptic plagues of metal grim reapers altogether.
Should you encounter an aformentioned 'death bringer', please adopt the following procedure, for maximum safety and minimum inconvenience:
1) Should a source of arms be at hand, do not hesitate to fire .6 callibre armour-piercing shells(a) at the robot's power supply, or T-16 shoulder-mounted anti-tank missiles(b), directed at the immediate vicinity of the robot. The effectiveness of electricity-based assault weapons has not yet been tested, but be sure to note any observations you make while using such a device.
2) Seek shelter behind the nearest two-inch thick reinforced steel or foot of pre-stressed concrete(c). Make sure to cover all appendages, and offer similar shelter to all children and dependants nearby.
3) As the robots use heat-seeking infrared, and motion detection technologies, it would be advised that you find a source of cold, and remain perfectly motionless, to best avoid any conflicts with the robots.
4) Request assistance from your local law enforcement department, who will be glad to aid you in your assault on the robots.
Again, Megacorp Incorporated apologizes sincerely for any inconveniences caused my the robots, and look forward to maintaining a beneficial customer-supplier relationship with you in the future.
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