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Global Domination!
As few, to none of you may know, creating this webpage was not only "pointless", but also a challenge. It involved many hours of writing, planning, and convincing myself it was not pointless, as it in fact is. Although these hours could have been spent more productively, I persevered against failure, and what you are currently not laughing at was created. Having overcome this challenge, and seeing the site actually come into existence on-line, I soon began to look for a greater challenge, something to truly test my skills, prove my worth, and occupy my lonely nights in between Survivor and Malcolm.(Topical humour, take that SNL!)
To me, the only logical step after "webpage design" was "global domination", to be followed shortly after by "talking to a girl", but I fight my wars one battle at a time. Needless to say, a quick glance in any newspaper will confirm for the uninformed that I haven't, as of yet, conquered the globe, or even alerted anyone to my intentions, but my progress has at least been steady, if not non-existent. However, all is not lost. Along my path to victory, I documented my trials and tribulations, presented below, as a guide for anyone seeking to follow in my footsteps, who will one day perhaps conquer the world, and give some of it to me, as a token of gratitude.(I'd even take Antarctica, nothing would be to small, people.) So read on, learn, and laugh. Or don't laugh. It's not that funny anyhow.
-March 21, 2001-Declared self ruler of bedroom. Many a man was lost in epic battle to seize closet, but I eventually triumphed over myself. Declared room base of operations.
-March 22, 2001-Began plans to conquer neighbouring bedroom, using no-man's land known as "the hallway" to some, as a back door. Discovered "Back door" was actually only door to room, making back/front designation interchangeable, and not best plan of attack. Retreated, to re-think strategies.
-March 23, 2001-Have not yet conquered adjacent room, as it is still occupied by sibling, who refuses to surrender, or even donate territory in name of global domination. Planning to expand operations to "outside", perhaps advance upon woodpile.
-March 24, 2001-After lack of protest from anyone, declared woodpile captured, and property of Adam. Next step, Northern Chile.
-March 27, 2001-After little success, and many suggestions from peers, referred to map. Corrected and redeclared intentions. Next step Southern Ontario.
-March 28, 2001-While librarian was busy, declared self ruler of lower bookshelves in local library. Territories under my control now number 3, excluding woodpile which was moved despite much protest.
-March 29, 2001-In desperate attempt at land grab, declared self ruler of school, before being sucker punched by boy in hallway and told to shut up. Subsequently returned rule of school to principal, retaining two desks in English class, unbeknownst to him. Territories again number 3.
-March 31, 2001-Facing mounting disappointments, begin to question entire plan conquer world. Considered alternatives, including conquering outer space, and technological industry. Assured self of quality of plan, continued on my quest.
-March 32, 2001-Again, upon suggestions of many peers, checked calendar, reset dating system.
-April 1, 2001-Declared self ruler of tree behind school, Territories now number 4. Declared plan on schedule, and a success. World not far from grasp.
-April 3, 2001-Upon suggestions from peers, compared size of total territories to size of world. Remained undaunted. Upon further suggestions, noted that picture in atlas was "scaled", calculated actual size of world. Remained undaunted.
-April 4, 2001- Received more suggestions from peers, in the forms of stern looks, long talks, and further sucker punches. Realised folly of plan, retired from global domination, to a life of less political pursuits, including sitting, reading, and nursing wounds.
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