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I have received criticism from a number of sources recently regarding an apparent lack of "content" within my column, if it can be so called. It seems several people consider my prose lacking in substance, as well as humour. Not so, I say, not so at all. As Albert Einstein once said, "Adam's work is full of content." I mean, he probably said that at some point in his life, right? My work is in fact brimming with content, of the metaphorical kind, which the erudite undoubtedly do not fail to grasp, and which others just don't get. To editorialize openly would be to detract from Renee's purpose as editor, and so I disguised my opinions subtly, but effectively. To my critics and fan alike, I will now elucidate for you this matter, with a detailed inspection of previous articles, with their metaphysical undertones fully explained, and simplified, as proof of the abounding substance within.

My first article, detailing for your amusement the supposed struggle I encountered in trying to write for this paper, was beneath it's surface a hard-hitting exposé of the challenges faced by those without a post-secondary school education in the Wall Street job market of the early 1990's, placing myself in the shoes of such a person, merely disguised as a tangle of drunken lies and idle threats. Repeated references were made to the glass ceiling which exists, as the "editors" and "writers" at the paper. The parallel was rather blatant, and I am shocked more of you didn't pick up on it.

The column in which I insulted and patronized the global population as a whole earned me many objections and pink-bellies, from those who did not make the connection between it and the French Revolution, satirized aptly by shaping my writing as from the perspective of a French nobleman in the court of Mary Antoinette, and comparing our school to late 1780's France. 'Plebes' and 'Paeans' obviously refer to the 'peasants' who revolted during the year of 1789, while 'create a list of my 25 best features' obviously refers to my character's growing fear of the guillotine, and his realization that despite his wealth and power, he is as mortal as the peasants he despises.

And finally, my latest and, I declare, greatest, article, in which I appeared to document my rise and fall from fame while writing for the paper, was quite unmistakably a deep and intricate metaphor for the rise and fall of communism in Asian countries during the last 150 years, covering the fall of Rasputin, and with him the patriarchal society and the birth of Communism, the later rise of Marx and Lenin, and the eventual fall of communism, as late as 1985. Contained within my seemingly unrelated thought processes were an evaluation of communism as a theology, and the eventual uncovering of it's basic flaw, that is, its lack of a means of economic calculation. This would be apparent to anyone dedicated enough to fully read and interpret the column, and play connect-the-dots with all the prime number-corresponding letters. It was simple, people.

And this column you ask? What secret meaning is buried deep within it's labyrinth of vowels and consonants? A blatant shill for www.puredrivel.20m.com. It's as plain as day. Go there.
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