Welcome! To

Christmas Poetry for the Masses!

This article started as kind of a joke

(More accurately a dare)

To write a poem of vaguely Christmas-y ilk

(Not that you really care.)

But I soon realised that I faced a problem

(In fact a heap of a stumper)

It seemed I was lacking a topic to write on

(The only rhyme seems to be Thumper)

To add to this vast composition dilemma

(Or multiply, I'm no good at math)

I realised my due date's the third of Decemba'

(Please don't harp on these lyrical failures)

And yet I continued to bet on a lost horse

(Now begin the awkwardly-stated metaphors)

I arbitrarily changed my rhyming scheme at will.

(Writing for Rumour's like swallowing a jagged little pill)

So if you're disappointed by the lack of finesse

(Who do you think you are, Picasso?)

Have pity on those who are english-skilless

(Okay, he was painter, not an poet. So?)

Read on through the paper, I'm sure there's more in it.

(I hear columns on rice shall abound)

But check back next issue for more, just a minute...

(I had to pause for that poem-like-sound)

...Quality material, if can it can so rightly be called.

(Not to toot my own horn. (That's ironic.))

I guarantee that you be won't quite so appalled.

(Aptly, my best rhyme is Gin and Tonic)

-Adam